Distant Embrace TFP

"… Mmh! What, do you think you're doing?"

Arcee's voice was practically screeching as she pushed Knock Out away from her. Why did she let him? Why did she practically let him kiss her as her optic lids were closing? Why did she let him get close to her spark?

They were just being friendly. Talking, doing normal things, eating a light snack… and she failed to note that he was drawing too close to her. Literally.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, I just…"

Her arm sharply pointed to the door of her abode.

"You know the way out. The fire's out for romance here, you know that."

As Knock Out limply collected himself and the finished dishes, Arcee suddenly felt a deep pang in her sparkchamber that throbbed with such intensity.

Why…

Instead of getting angrier, why did she feel guilt instead?

Knock Out was her best friend for a long time. They knew each other since their young days at the Academy, but what lead to all this? He was humorous, intriguing. The stories he told her just recently made her laugh hard, she slugged him a few times for almost making her choke on the food she was chewing. And then…

He kissed her.

Just like that.

She got angry, but why… why did she feel so hallow?

'Cliffjumper…'

'Should I…? No, he wouldn't understand. It's too complicated anyways, and he would be… gone.'

The colour of their finishes were so similar… It was like her late companion was never gone. But he wasn't him.

And she wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

Once Knock Out placed the dishes in the cleaning dispenser, a look of reflecting guilt was on his face as well, but Arcee's feelings were much deeper. As their optics made contact, she felt her spark ripple again.

"I… I heard about what happened on that routine mission last year. If… if you ever want to talk about it, I'm… I'm always here to listen."

She felt her optics leering, but it was more for herself than the mech in front of her. So much blame, so much flaming anger… And she tortured herself more than anyone.

"If I'm off track, why do you need smack? Wanna prove me wrong? Come back another day."

The red mech's lips tightened, but he closed his eyes and began to walk out of the apartment. The door of the abode was shut, and the blue femme went back to the kitchen chair. Mind loose and uptight, she pondered on the events that just took place.

She pushed away so many others away from her. Attachments frightened her, because… she knew she'd hurt them inevitably. She didn't want that. And… he didn't deserve that from her.

In fact, he was special to her. He stood out from all the rest. From that kiss, did he really mean that he had feelings for her all this time? Did she… love him back?

The evidence and conclusion before her was impossible, but she was indeed interested and in love with her best friend.

She wanted him back, right here this very moment. She wanted him to hold her. To tell her everything was going to be alright…

'He just… doesn't see why I'm pushing him away. But I want him to do it again. … I want him to kiss me. It's more than want. I need him.'

Pushing him away and not letting him in… wasn't going to help her move on. And she took away that chance by making him walk out the door.

Perhaps, maybe one day she'll let him know, and tell him her reasons and true feelings…

For another day.